


Don't Think Twice.

by the-canary (siruru)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Study, Control Issues, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, F/M, Mutant Reader, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Reader-Insert, Self Confidence Issues, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2019-10-19 12:25:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17601326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siruru/pseuds/the-canary
Summary: Neither of you thought there were things the other was so afraid of.





	1. made yourself.

**Author's Note:**

> This is for @until-theend-oftheline ‘s beautiful words challenge.
> 
> Prompt: Vertigo - sensation of whirling and loss of balance, associated particularly with looking down from a great height; giddiness

Steve Rogers has never had time to adjust to his situations at anytime of his life. 

From the very beginning, he came out fighting for a breath of air and each year it was a struggle to fight for another year of life through illness, loss, and strife. It was something that came to him like breathing, so it was natural --even with all his illnesses-- that he felt the need to fight for his country and other -- it was something natural  embedded to his skin and bones. 

The dizzying feeling that came with standing up and breathing every single day slowly changed when his circumstances changed, but that was soon changed over the dizzy and confusion that came with war. Yes, Steve knew who the “bullies” were and what he was fighting for, but the graying areas and all the came with going from dancing and twirling to leading the Howling Commandos, to meeting Peggy and losing Bucky -- well, he didn’t feel anything until the loss became too much then he just couldn’t feel anything at all. 

_ Fight. Fight. Fight.  _

It was the only thing he knew, and he kept going until he sank into the frozen ocean. 

And sometimes, he still feels it in his core, years and years after the first fight is over -- he keeps going. The new tech and new forces to fight send him into a tizzy, but there is nothing else that Steve Rogers --no, Captain America-- can do besides **_fight, fight, fight._ **

Somewhere deep within him the flight complex is gone, as he keeps charging forward.

And if anybody ever notices his growing dislike towards the cold, the ocean or that he freezes for just a second at the sound of an airplane engine -- well, none says anything.

* * *

 

“One of the new recruits is enhanced,” Maria states in one of their early morning debriefs. Blue eyes give her a questioning look. Steve was completely used to the idea of enhanced agents by now, he had seen it multiple times on the field with the new S.H.I.E.L.D agents after the reconstruction that came with the fall of HYDRA -- it was a good job for someone whose powers might be seen as fearsome by the general population. 

“And?” he can’t help but question, as Maria places a file in front of him.

“She can’t control her powers.”

* * *

 

The sudden cold, the repression of your breathing in exchange for your powers isn’t something that you will never be used to. It goes against every instinct set be down into your body, but you have to get used to it -- there is no other choice. However, that doesn’t stop you from screaming and thrashing about when a touch sets your power off within the hanger of the Avengers Compound. 

You don’t mean it, but any surprise kicks that familiar instinct of run or fight, but you don’t have a choice in what your body decides to do --  _ it’s running _ every single damn time, as the air leaves your body once more and you end up on the ground. Heavy with sweat running down your body, as you try to gain control over instinct once more. 

“Hey, hey,” a soft voice grabs your attention from above, as your body freezes once more -- ready to fight back from whatever may come, but all you want to do is lay down and give up. It would be so much easier than fighting in the long run. 

“Please stay back,” is the only warning at you can give in some sad attempt to stop the inevitable, as you feel the veins and leaves surround your upper arms before passing out completely once  more. 

_ Run, run, run ---  _ but you were so done with that. 

You just wanted it all to end. 


	2. warnings.

Steve can’t sleep for very long, a handful of hours here and there. 

Sometimes the sheets are too silky, the bed is too soft and cold with the steady air conditioning of the Compound bother him too damn much. It aches his bones, but he has gotten better at hiding his screaming -- only waking up with a sudden shudder and getting up as quickly as he can from the bed. 

The sense of dizzying from the sickness of his early life is familiar for a quick second, steadies him to where he is and forces him to focus on what he is going to do for the rest of the day -- it quickly disappears as he enters the bathroom for a scalding hot shower. Over the years since entering the modern world, it has gotten easier but there is never a single week where he doesn’t have this feeling at least for once night. 

A hot cup of coffee and reading over mission reports has him ignoring the conditions he puts himself under for the rest of the day, though Steve has never been good at hiding things. 

* * *

 

Hot.  **Hot.** Hot. 

You’re always running on burning temperatures because of the blood that bubbles underneath your skin. It sizzles and burns underneath the morning sun, getting hotter and hotter as the day on until you get dizzy and run the chance of losing control of your powers. 

But, you’re always running that chance. Ten pints of scolding and potentially solid nickel, metal, and mercury ready to lash out as soon as you lose your grip on it.  

It was because of this that you turned yourself over so willing to S.H.I.E.L.D after you had come of age. It was the reason why both Director Fury and Hill didn’t let you train with others, they didn’t need people losing limbs, but that never stopped the metal mix from hurting you when it ran to hot or any other little inconvenience.

Scars litters your arms and different parts of your body from where the blood ran through the skin and scarred you before the enhanced healing kicked it. Burn marks in large patches on your body from when you were protecting yourself and it got out of hand. Even after a handful of years underneath the protection of Fury and Hill, they still knew no better as to how to handle your powers and their abilities, so you were kept untouched and with limited social interaction -- it was for the best, and you understood that best of all. 

However, that doesn’t stop the dizzying feeling that enters your heart when Maria comes to you one day and suddenly declares: “We are going to try a new type of training with you.” 

“How is this different from everything else that we have been trying?” 

“It will be pairing you with someone that can hopefully help with your powers,” Maria states, as there is no change in your facial expression but your blood starts to sing with hope and desperation until you have to sit down for a moment.      

“Captain Rogers,” there is a sort of monotone voice that welcomes him into the cold, cold room. 

Blue eyes turn to the side to met a young woman in a black S.H.I.E.L.D outfit and a blank look on her face. She reaches out to shake his hand and that’s when Steve notices is -- burning, scolding heat even through the gloves that she is wearing and for a moment it eases the deep ache that the cold air has set in. 

“It’s an honor to meet you,” she states in an eerie flatness that he isn’t used to. Most S.H.I.E.L.D agents tend to look at him with some sense of admiration and honor due to who he is and the mantle he seems to hold, but there is nothing on her face -- it is refreshing in an odd sort of way, “I’m sorry for the cold, but it helps me.” 

“I understand,” Steve states with a nod. He had read the reports in regards to her powers, that the metal in her body is constantly cycling in a heat that burned through most things, as shown through the metal dents and burns on the walls --though they hadn’t tried one thing and that’s why Steve was here. 

“Okay, let’s get started,” she states, already feeling the burning rising hotter than before and getting just a bit dizzy even though the room was so cold. Steve simply nods, utterly professional, as he moves to the other side of the room with the shield at hand. 

_ Offense, then defense.  _

That is what they were going to study, as Steve waits for her to come at him but she doesn’t. She stays motionless for a moment, takes a deep breathe before getting a knife out of her side pocket. She slices through a small opening in her suit -- it doesn’t help as the blood that seeps out begins to sizzle and eat slightly through the black for a second before she murmurs something for it to solidify. It quickly spikes and hurls itself at him. 

He feels the heat a mile away, as he dunks and covers himself with the familiar shield. The metallic smell and hissing noise, like it has a life of its own catches him off guard for the moment as he feels her take an intake of breath for just a second.  

The shield remains as the air around Steve warms considerably, easing the trauma from the cold just a bit. He stares at the young woman who heaves a heavy breathe before continuing her assault, though there is no change in the look in her eyes as she keeps moving forward. 

Steve doesn’t know that this is the most control she has had in a very long time.   


	3. pardon me.

 It’s a month later, of training off and on with Captain Rogers, that you finally see some results.

“How are you feeling today?” the brown-haired man gives you an easy smile, as you think about it for a moment. There is no change to how you are looking at him, but the tip of your head to the side tells Victor that you are thinking about the words -- you were always thinking about the right words.

“Fine,” you stare blankly ahead as green eyes watch your movement for any change, “But less nauseous than usual.”

“That’s good to hear,” Victor gives you a small smile, as he looks at the crystals and stones fitted around your neckline -- the things that are the main reason for the metal in your blood, but also helped regulate it the best it could.

Dr. Victor Morris had been one of the S.H.I.E.L.D agents that had found you more than a decade ago in the decrepit lab that belonged to the man that used to call himself your “father”. He had been dead for years, but his technology being used by a certain organization led agents to his old lab -- where they had found you connected to tubes and sleeping the years away. _ A modern day Frankenstein _ , is was how another agent had called you once. The fact was even truer when they realized how many bodies the man had gone to create a person that actually functioned like you did for reasons that nobody understood.

As a result, Victor poured the rest of his life thus far into understanding how you functioned and worked. He helped create clothes that were resistant to the burning and found monetary solutions to it eating through normal clothes and objects. However, since your training with Captain Rogers had started he was finding out how exactly vibaruium seemed to counterattack against your blood -- well, it just speed up a lot of his work.

“And,” Victor started off with a sing-song sort of tone, “What do you think of Captain Rogers?”

“He seems like a fine person,” you state with a shrug, nothing changing but Victor can’t help but smile just a bit -- probably knowing something you don’t.

* * *

 

Steve realizes early on that there are some adverse effects into the training he is doing with that young woman. The most serious being that warmth from her powers brings in the cold more so than anything else that exact night he tries to sleep. The chill just seems unbearable at that point and he goes back to old habits, namely punching bags in the gym.

Anything to keep him away from the questions and feelings of warmth that he can never seem to have.

It’s a month and a half of this annoyance when he realizes that it has a similar effect on her as well. 

He knows someone is in one of the common areas before he enters it. Steve can hear  [ soft music ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVkQ46jck2Q) playing from a mile away, the thumping of nails on the metal flooring become more evident as he gets closer. He turns the corner and see her sitting on the floor in sleepwear and gloves on her hands as she keeps replaying that one scene from an old Fred Astaire and Audrey Hepburn  [ movie ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Funny_Face) . She’s a bit slower to see him, as she seems engrossed by the movie, which is kind of a sweet sight to see.

Steve ends up coughing to catch her attention, she looks at him with same blank look though his ability to read people just a bit better than before has him catching the small twitch of expiration over being dragged away from the movie.   

“Is there something I can help you with, Captain Rogers?” she questions, as she turns her to face him. Steve pauses for a moment, unsure why he decided to bother her.

“Are you all right?” Steve questions, “It seems a bit late to be watching movies.”

“I--” she pauses for a moment, as if trying to find the right words, “I could be asking you the same question, but no...I’m fine.”

Steve doesn’t know if he should be insulted, bothered, or just happy over her unexpected sass. In the short time, he had known her, Steve could tell that she wasn’t a very emotional person, or to be more exact someone that didn’t have a very good handle on their emotions. Blue eyes were quick to notice that there is a thin sheet of sweat on her face -- she might be suffering the opposite of what he was after their trainings -- but “ _ I’m fine _ ” was always going to be her default answer. No change at all, almost like a---

“Captain Rogers, could you please stop staring?” her voice drags him out of his thoughts once more, as blue eyes meet hers. There’s a frown plastered her awkwardly on her face, as Steve can’t help but feel a little embarrassed being caught in what he was doing.

“I’m sorry,” in his slight awkwardness, she doesn’t seemed annoyed or anything at all as she simply nods in acknowledgement, “But, wouldn’t it be easier to watch the movie in one of the rec rooms?”

“I burn through the couch  if I fall asleep,” she states like it’s as well known fact, as Steve notices that even though she might be hot, she is bundled completely up.

“We can watch it together, so I’ll catch you if you fall asleep,” Steve answers back as she gives him a dubious look which he meets with a polite smile.

Steve didn’t know why, but he felt for her -- to be so strong but not being able to control it for reasons that she still didn’t understand. At least with Erskine, Steve knew what he had gotten into and his own motivations for it, but she was clueless and maybe, that’s why he wanted to help her out, at least in some menial way. Also, the metal kitchen floor wasn’t the best way to spend two hours while watching a movie.

“I--” she pauses, ready to say no but Steve has a look on his face that tells her that she has no way out,”All right then.” 

She ends up grabbing her Stark Pad and following Steve into one of the many rec rooms within the Compound. With a few choice words, FRIDAY has the movie playing from where she left off and while Steve doesn’t exactly know what is going on -- he hadn’t gotten this far into his Astaire collection just yet-- he was okay with seeing her watch the movie with the most gripping attention since he had seen his first talkie.

However, he is quick to notice that her burning warmth is quick to seek him out (or is it the other way around) as he feels it sink into his aching bone and slowly lull him into an easy sleep. He knows he’ll have to ask about this later, but after so many weeks --even years-- of avoiding it, Steve lets himself fall into a dreamless sleep.

He’ll end up waking up just in time for his run with a blanket placed over him and the couch just a little singed on his side of the headrest. 


	4. wish you were here.

You sense the excitement as Victor goes over how the vibranium interacts with the material that could be called your blood. Unlike regular metal, which would melt, the vibranium hisses but nothing else happens. At this point, he had been working with high resistant plastic and nylon to make materials and clothing that could touch your body without burning off, but this -- this was something completely different and as he contacted the Wakandan princess and researchers, it became more apparent that they were interested on what could become of your blood, but also how vibranium could help you as well. 

It takes another two months of back and forth for anything to come out of all this Victor and Shuri (as she makes you call her when you see her through the video feed) seem to be doing. It’s one bright, Sunday morning when he drags you into the lab and behind some panels. 

“What are we doing?” you ask, more of a curious tone in your voice than he had heard in a long time. Green eyes sparkle as he hands a pair of folded clothing with a small bracelet on top. You look at him in surprise when you don’t hear the familiar hissing sound. 

“I want to you put all this on,” he declares and you look at him once more in suspicion, “There is something different about this clothing that I am sure you will find interesting.”

The smile doesn’t leaves his face the whole time and it reminds you of Steve for a brief moment --that one night not too long-- as you simply nod and head towards the back.

You even more surprised to find out that it isn’t the standard black suit that you are used to wearing. It’s more of an outfit that you would see someone “normal” wear on the streets. The colors brighter than the black suit, but still muted in black, white, and brown.

You pause for a moment before heading out, as you feel your throat enclose on itself for a moment. Nevertheless, you keep moving forward and move to stand in front of Victor, as he smiles at you standing there dressed like a normal woman your age.

“You look nice,” Victor smiles, as you let out a choked noise from your throat.

You spend the rest of the morning choosing other colors and clothing types that you would like to wear, as Victor explains that it all works with the little bracelet and glove set you are wearing that it sending waves of magnetized vibranium right underneath your skin. Yes, the dizziness and fever are still there, but more subtle than before. And for once you feel like something less than a monster. 

If you cry in-between all that, well Victor says nothing on the subject.

* * *

**** Steve notices the change in the immediate training session you have with him afterwards. The black suit is a bit different from the last time, as he sees waves of blue and purple static run over your body as you come at him during the first bit. You don’t have to cut the black suit like before -- it splits itself as you cut. 

The metal seems to have a mind of its own as it heads to him once more, but the burning is less severe than usual. It causes him to pause for a moment, it’s then you decide to do something new. You yell out in language he doesn’t understand as the metal comes back after its initial attack. It swarms in your palm for a moment before it extends, turning into a sword as you grip before running towards him. 

You yell, as the sword makes contact with the shield. It hisses when making contact with the vibranium. Steve pushes back and as you skid back the sword disintegrates. Blue eyes meet your own in surprise, as he shakes his head at your excited grin. You get up and yell another word as the metal comes out of the cut and turns into little daggers. 

You grab them, feeling their weight in the palm of your hand before trying to look at Steve as he lifts up the shield once more. 

“Ready?” you question, your voice a mix of excitement and uneasiness though more emotion than he had heard coming from you in all this short time that he had known you. 

“Ready,” Steve declares, as he starts moving back a bit more already knowing what you might be thinking of doing with your new weapons. 

You run and throw them at him, and while they never land anywhere near Steve --you still need a lot of practice-- but it’s the most fun you had had in a training session and the small smile on your face shows it.      

* * *

In the two months since the first time he had seen you in one of the recreation areas, Steve gets used to seeing you wandering around every once and awhile. Sometimes, you are watching a movie, others you are reading a book, or binging through a podcast that had caught your interest. For some reason, like Steve, you were playing catch with the rest of the world and from time to time he brought his own piece to share with you. 

Tonight is no different, as he catches you watching  _ Breakfast at Tiffany’s  _ (you were going through all of Audrey Hepburn’s movies now) on the Stark Pad, though this time you are laying down on the floor near the large windows of the Compound. Steve couldn’t help but shake his head a little since he always found you somewhere new. You pause the movie and get up to look at him. 

It’s then when Steve notices that you aren’t wearing those all encompassing winter pajamas, instead its a short sleeves with long sweats and a light sweater. The gloves that are allowing this are still there and while it is still hiding away most of your skin, to see pieces of clothing moving here and there is still a surprising sight.

“Good morning, Steve,” you state with a nod, as he gives you smile as you grab the device before moving to where he is, “I had a question for you actual.”

Your upfrontness surprises him for a moment, as he leans onto the countertop you stand there not willing to touch anything since the gloves didn’t stop that second part of your powers -- they just stopped the material you were wearing from burning off.

“What’s New York like?” you asks causing Steve freeze for a second. 

There’s uneasiness in your face over the question, like it might have been useless or even stupid to ask. It’s then that Steve has to remind himself that you probably had ever only known two places in your life -- the lab where they had found you and the Compound, maybe a few S.H.I.E.L.D bases here and there. You were stuck even more so than him. However, at the thought of answering your question, that’s when another problem arises, though more so for him.

Did you mean this New York or the one he had grown up with? Because he surely didn’t know of the one that you had been watching just a few moments ago. 

“Well, what do you want to know?” he asks, unsure of where to start. 

“I don’t know,” you admit with a shrug before adding, “Anything you can think of.” 

Steve motions for you to sit down and though you frown, you follow his directive anyways though you never move to touch anything else. Eventually, Steve finds himself heading towards the same direction he goes through whenever he talks about the 1940’s -- about himself, Bucky, and all the adventures they had. He mentions all he misses in Brooklyn, how Manhattan has changed, and everything in between. You don’t ask any questions. You’re quiet, but Steve can tell he had your full attention with that sparkle in your eyes. 

You spend the rest of the night like that, up to the point where he finishes when he finally made it the future -- whatever happened after that wasn’t really about New York anymore. Nevertheless, you thank him softly and he can’t help but ask. 

“Would you like to go one day?” Steve questions as the morning sun begins to peek from the trees and into the large windows,”To New York.”

“Maybe, one day,” you state with a rescind smile, like it’s never going to happen, “When the sun doesn’t make me so dizzy and weak.”

Steve stays quiet for that moment, as you get up -- the metal of the chair darker than before and you grab your Stark Pad before leaving. He stands there for a good while before going to make his morning coffee, feeling the coldest he had in that moment since meeting you. 


	5. black heart inertia.

You feel something akin to horror at all the pictures laid in front of you. Victor has a hand over his face to cover his expression, but you sure he feels the same. Body parts and tubes connected together but disintegrating because there is something missing – because they are perfect like you.

“Is someone trying to remake me?” you let out in a shallow breathe as Victor look at you, but you aren’t looking at him – you keep looking at all the pictures that the team, the agents that had found and still worked together, had send to the two of you and Hill.

The question was why though. What did anybody get creating something like you? A being that could barely like, much less interaction would other human beings or living things – you were meant for destruction in the way that your metal blood work. It wasn’t meant for anything else.

That wave of familiar dizziness starts to set in with your anger as you can hear the blood sizzle and boil in your ears, you want to feel so many things towards the situations but it always ends up the same – you can’t.

Attempt after failed attempt –like the doctor had tried 99 times and more so to create someone like you– but you always ended up feeling nauseous until you need to sit down. That alongside with how you could barely control your powers, what were you any good for then?

“No,” Victor’s voice tries to calm you down, as you meet with pitiful state in your direction, “This doesn’t look like they were trying to remake you.”

“Then what?” your voice wavers for just a moment.

“This, whatever it is, looks like a predecessor,” Victor sighs out before letting out a sigh, unsure of where this is going to go next.       

You try your hardest not to let the metal rot you down your very core – it would mean one less monster in the word anyways.

* * *

It takes Steve a good while to go over the report that Maria had give him. It not only held more information about you, but also the being that a S.H.I.E.L.D team that found related to the same doctor that had created you. It seemed like the serum had been a “motivator” for whatever had helped create you and this new being that seemed to have your healing abilities and potential strength –that Steve had seen come out from time time in training– and it just caused him to shake his head.

A coldness settling over him at the thought that even with everything, Erskine’s serum was still being hunted down for something that was only perfected once and even then Steve had his own person problems in the aftermath of it all, though nobody really knew that.  

“Did you already show her this?” Steve asks, as Maria’s eyes glance over the file in front of her. A mild look of annoyance escapes her before Steve sees it disappear in a flash.

“The leader of the team has a personal relationship with her and Dr. Morris,” Maria states with a frown, “He promised always send any date in regards to her background straight away, even I can’t stop him.”

“I see,” is all Steve can say as he stares at the picture of the being in a tank – hundreds with the same face, though they were never meant to be alive, clear failures whatever you were meant to be.

“Where is he now?”

“We don’t know. He ran after the initial attack.”

Steve can’t help but wonder how you would feel about all this, as he closes the folder and takes it with him. He finds out later on when you refuse to keep up with the training, refuse to come out the lab at all actually.

* * *

It’s several missions afterwards, weeks after finding out that there is something else made in some twisted image of the serum and whatever you were meant to be, that Steve finally gets to see you. His bones are aching (the cough and pain  are always there, he feels it too deeply before his body starts to heal itself once more)  and he hasn’t been able to sleep due to the adrenaline that is still rushing through his veins and the paperworks that needed to be completed. Between ripping open gym bags and finishing reports, Steve found you in one of the hallways.

However, this time there it no Stark Pad or trying to learn of the world but instead you are gazing as your legs – bared and filled with marks that have healed over and over again. Rough patches of skin and if he looked close enough, some are mismatched against major joints and larger areas – a telltale sign of how you came to be. He is as quiet as he can be, but you still manage to hear or made see his figure against the moonlight of the large windows.

“Hello,” you state without any tone of emotion in your voice as you are at him. Steve stops and looks at you before moving closer, it was a little odd that you were reaching out to him (it was usually the other way around) but he wouldn’t let it go, especially with that lost look on your face.

“Hey,” he states just above a whisper as he leans down and takes a seat next to you, “How have you been?”

“I’m–” you start off before stopping and thinking. Steve waits, as you shake your head, “I’m fine.”

  
“No, you’re not,” Steve answers back without missing a beat because he can feel it – that fire underneath your skin burning stronger than usual. Steve has been starting to think that it might be due to whatever serum imitation that might be running in your veins, but he won’t say anything for now.

You frown at his answer before looking at your hand. Steve waits, willing to lend an ear like he did with the rest of the Avengers when he could (usually Wanda and Nat) because he was sure as hell he considered you a friend now, even if you weren’t too sure about anything.

“I’m fine,” you repeat before adding in, “I have to be fine.”

“Not all the time,” Steve repeats softly, as if trying to get you to understand, but you were frozen emotionally – had been for a long time, “It’s okay to feel and reach out to others sometimes.”

“No,” you answer back, confused of where this could be going and what the hell Steve is trying to tell you. You couldn’t feel – you knew what would happened, “ _I can’t_.  **You don’t get it.** ”

You raise your voice just a little and that’s when it happens. There is a bubbling notion at the confusion, anger and sadness that you have been feeling for a long time. It was at the center of the jewel and though you weren’t sure why it was happening, you were sure that Steve pushing you to feel –since you had meet him all those months ago– was one of the leading reasons why the room was spinning. You swear you hear Steve’s voice calling out your name, but you won’t have it anymore.

“Please stop.”

You swear you hear your voice as you feel something on your shoulder. There’s a tightening in your chest, as the jewels and rocks beginning to glow for a brief second – you end up feeling like you need to throw up. You’re getting dizzier, but you still feel someone trying to pick you up and then you smell it – the burning of skin touching yours. You yelp out in realization, but Steve’s strength manages to push you to lean against his shoulder. You start murmuring nonsense as Steve starts walking down to the lab houses you.

It’s towards the end that you finally manage to say it.    

“ _I’m a monster,_ ” you cry out pathetically in his arms, “ ** _Please stop trying to help me!”_**

You let out a sob before passing out completely, leaving Steve to wonder how long you had been having these thoughts and what had your state on mind been. However, before he can do anything about it, blue eyes end up meeting green one as a man with shaggy brown hair asks him kindly to bring you inside.

He ends up looking at his burned shirt and hand (though it heals after a day) for quite some time afterwards.


	6. anomaly.

_It’s like a factory reset,_  Victor can’t help but note though it has only happened twice now.

Your emotions are one of the triggers to the metal blood becoming too hard to handle within your patchwork of a body.

Any type of strong emotion reaction leads to you reacting like a pot of water underneath a flame. He didn’t know what happened when you completely went over since both times you had rained everything back in and blacked out —like now, as he watched you sleeping on metallic gurney— from the exhaustion of it all.

He was sure that deep down you knew what could happen to you, but it wasn’t that you ever brought up – so it only played in the back of his mind. Though there was something else that had caught his attention when Captain Rogers had brought you in.

There were hardly any burns on him and mostly centered around his hand, though Victor was sure that they would be gone in a few hours, but it wasn’t like the last time – where one of his former partners was left with a pretty nasty scar that to this day was a horror to look at.

He could only wonder whether it had something to do with Captain Rogers’ own powers or where you getting better at controlling it at that level as well.  

* * *

Steve spends a good amount of his free time looking at the report that Maria had given him two days after his incident with you, who still hadn’t woken up yet. The team that had been sent by S.H.I.E.L.D had reported that there was similar material –like your blood– being used in explosives by a small terrorist group in Eastern Europe, where the aftermath of Sokovia has caused a huge power vacuum to form and international agencies along with the Stark Foundation could only do so much within an area that had already damaged beyond repair.

S.H.I.E.L.D agents familiar with your background had been sent to where they were sure the group was located only to find something worse – the same thing all over again, as a million bloody courses where kept in large glass tanks all wearing the same face that was staring at them in anger when they came.

It was like finding her all over again, was something remarked by an agent, but instead of one living thing – there was an inconceivable amount and for everyone one that they brought down, three more took its place.   

Either the doctor had perfected his own version of “super healing” or someone had taken up the cause for him and this was their version of it – and that sent a cold fury down through Steve.

There had been a time where he was the “strangest” thing that had come out of a lab, but at least there was  reasoning behind it –the war effort– and he has some idea on the consequences of his actions, though he was too hard-headed to notice. But, there were others –like Wanda– who didn’t understand all that they would have to go through to get what they wanted, and there were others –like you– who never got any of those.

Steve, while looking at the blurry images of a young man, can’t help but wonder if this new person, being was looking for some type of purpose like you had in all the time in he had known you, or if he was just following in the footsteps of those who just wanted to watch the world burn.

For whatever reason, Steve knew deep down that he would help you in whatever way he could – even if you didn’t want him to, he was stubborn as hell like that.

* * *

  
 _Gideon. He calls himself Gideon and he’s waiting for his baby sister._  
 

–That’s what Issac, the S.H.I.E.L.D agent with a scar on his neck and endless smile tells you when you finally wake up from your little “combustion incident”. You end up thinking too much of the young man that seems to have your color hair but light-colored eyes.

From what you understood, he had been found under similar circumstances to you, but the bodies were all still alive in some way – they were all Gideon and when he was taken down, another was there to take the first one’s place. It was a scary thought that there could be so many of him (where there more of you as well?), but you couldn’t help the soft humming on your blood at the thought that you has some type of family – that there was someone out there in the world that might have known the reason why you had been made and understood what you were going through.

 _Someone who could understand you,_  it almost made you think of a certain Captain but you shook your head – Steve wouldn’t what anything to do with you after that incident.

You grit your teeth, remembering the smell of burning flesh from that night before pushing the thoughts of the man away – you didn’t deserve anything from after what you had done. A numbing feeling sets in your very core, where the jewels and rock lay as your “heart”, at the thought that you have driven him away – but it was for the best.

It’s on the fourth day of your self-imposed exile in the lab that you finally decide to open your eyes, instead of having everyone pretend that you are “sleeping” and that’s when you see it–

“Hey,” a warm voice welcome you back to the land of the living as you look around to see bright, blue eyes, “How are you feeling?”

That all too familiar dizziness return at the sight of his soft smile as you can’t help but think that Steve might be someone who might not actually leave you alone – and you aren’t too sure how to feel about that.


	7. stellar.

“How are you feeling?” Victor manages to ask, but all you are doing is keeping your head down after seeing who was standing near the entrance of the lab, as a sense of guilt and shame bubbled to the surface of your artificial heart.

“I’m–” you pause for a moment, thinking about what had gotten you here in the first place after your little temper tantrum with Ste–no, Captain Rogers, “Cold, and could use a change of clothing.”

Victor blinks those pretty green eye of his once then twice in confusion before grinning and telling that he would will adjust the temperature before leaving. And it wasn’t a lie, you were feeling the lukewarm metal a bit colder than usual underneath your skin, as if it had frozen for a time only to start moving once more when you had seen Captain Rogers sitting besides you.

You want to run at the idea of such a shaky feeling, because deep down you know what it could lead to but there is another part of you that wants to believe that someone would want to help you, that’s when you hear it – his voice calling out.

“When you’re ready,” the evened out voice calls out as you look up to see brown eyes and scarring over the man’s mouth that goes down to his neck, you know it does every farther than that, “Captain Rogers and the rest of the Avengers would like to see you in the central conference room.”

“Understood,” you state robotic-ally, as he frowns for just a moment before turning away.

Because while Agent Lawson didn’t blame you for what had happened all those years ago, you still blamed yourself.

* * *

Gideon looks up at the bright glasses cases above himself, each a replica of his own body shape and type sharing memories in between all his forms so they are aware of when it is their turn. The dark water sparkles with all too familiar metal, though unlike his younger sister it isn’t his main life force – not that he can really call this way of living an actual life.

Neither he nor his sister were meant to be living in the way that they were –struggling to understand to world without a real reasons for what was inside of the horrors of their bodies. But, he was sure that they would understand it together, as his eyes -their only real common attribute– stare at the floating glass head not too far away from him.

“Soon,” is the only thing that he can really say, as the bombs could be heard falling from the outside, as someone else calls Gideon’s name and he moves forward into the darkness with his plans.

* * *

“So, you’re saying her blood _, for the lack of a better word_ , is a coolant for the serum,” Dr. Banner asks overlooking the papers with all your information written on it. Tony keeps eating his snack as his side as Victor nods.

“From my understanding,” Victor starts off going like you aren’t in the room – like you’re a science project, “Whoever created her created an incomplete version of the serum to burn the metal at high level and add a mix of various other chemicals to cool it down, thus creating the main metal work that runs through her body is regulated by the system located on her chest.”

You touch the upper level of your neck close to your bosom for a brief moment, feeling the ridges of the rocks, crystals, and stones that had been enhanced in some way to play the role of your heart. You let out a little sigh before turning for just a second to look at brown eyes looking at you.  

“And the person calling herself her _brother_ ,” the Black Widow states from behind you in question.

“A complete unknown for now,” this time Lawson answers, “Though there have been sightings of them in the area that used to be Sokovia.”

The room falls into a brief silence at the mention and loss of the former country, because though Stark Industries and various other international organizations had tried to help since the incident with Ultron, there was still so much to struggle. The loss of lives and homes had sunk the already suffering economy and while there had been a call of elections to run the country, it was now more or less run in sections by gangs and shady factions – the perfect place for a terrorists group or worst HYDRA to grow and fester once more.

Sokovia was more or less a failed state nowadays, a dark mark on the Avengers and what they couldn’t do sometimes. Not that you knew that, but whatever Gideon was doing he was making a perfect use of the resources and secrecy he would find there.

All you could really wonder is if that was the place were he had woken up and found his own way, or had his own awakening been forced as he was dragged to so someone else’s bidding – at least, you could thank your lucky stars that had never happened to do.

“So, what are you two thinking with all this?” Captain Rogers asks now, while more at the files in front of him, with an even tone of voice that demands answers. A noise that makes you stand straight compared to when he used to talk to you at night.

“She should search the last area where Gideon was spotted,” Lawson responses as Victor had been more hesitant about the whole idea when they ran through with Director Hill, “See if there is something unique to her that only she might find.”

There answer was that there already was, you could sense it deep down but you had stayed quiet about the whole subject. Nobody needed to know for now, Director Hill and these two were doing it for procedures’ sake. Lawson keeps moving forward with his explanation, but the repetition of it over and over again loses your attention once more – all you are staring at is the scars that haven’t healed since that day, though you can helped but loom once or twice at the healed hands of Captain Rogers.

You want to say it is because of something special, but you aren’t fool. It had to be due to the your metal and his blood, not for any special reason like you found in those old Disney movies you had started to watch as of recently.

Your thoughts are thrown off with the sound of a familiar voice, as you turn and look at blue eyes staring unwavering at you: “Are you okay with going through this?”

You pause for a moment, thinking of what he is trying to mean because there are so many things that they don’t know about you, that you don’t know about you that could hurt so many people in the end. However, there was so much to learn if you actually met Gideon and could talk or even look at whatever information he had on you.

Your body heats up at the thought for just a moment, before you take a deep breath and give Captain Rogers your answer: “Yes. I would like to learn more about myself, if that is all right with the rest of the Avengers.”

Steve looks at Tony. Blue staring at dark brown, as the older man can tell Steve is moved by something though he isn’t sure what, I mean he was as well though more as a person who had found a lost child near the candy store crying and was willing to help him find their parents. However, Tony could tell that you were made of tougher stuff.

“As long as the boss agrees,” Tony shrugs as both Victor and Lawson turn to look at you – one in worry and the other with a subtle grin. This was certainly different from your old, keep away from everyone attitude and while it was a nice chance, it was a worry for them to.

They didn’t know if you were going to have another combustion incident. They didn’t know what was going to happen if you were to met Gideon, or if he had the missing piece to whatever the doctor had made you had hidden in your body. So many unknowns, but at the sight your trembling hands underneath the table, they both pause and look at each other.

You were probably just as scared or even more so than them, but you needed to know – to face the man that called himself your older brother. For once, you wanted to fight and who were they to take your free will away.

“Then, we’ll push the mission towards leaving asap,” Steve declares to the rest of the room with a neutral tone of voice, as everyone nods and the three of you head out for the remaining Avengers to speak over whatever they had to.

You pause for a moment and wave goodbye to Steve before running after Victor.

Natasha smiles, as Steve stares at the area you were standing in for a moment before Tony’s voice filters in: _What the hell was that?_


	8. talk show on mute.

_LET ME GO! LET ME GO!_

“Hey, you okay there?” Victor’s voice drags Lawson out of whatever he had been thinking of. You’re on the other side of the room with Princess Shuri, as they try on different measures and materials to see how they reach. Lawson can smell the sizzling of different objects, but instead of moving away – you are sitting there and taking it all in. However, the smell of melting rubber and metals don’t leave the same rancid aftertaste in the back of his throat compared to the smell of rotting, melting flesh that he had gone through once.

He feels the side of his face in thought, as green eyes keep looking at him, “She sure has changed.”

Victor lets out a good-natured laugh, “Yeah, Captain Rogers has helped quite a deal with that.”

Lawson lets out a hum, as he watches you laugh and smile just a bit with the Wakadan princess, and can’t help but wonder how a doll managed to finally gain feelings.

* * *

The Avengers that are there with you aren’t quick to enter the battered land once known as Sokovia – their faces are too well-known and even hated in the area by some. Due to this, it was the Falcon and the Scarlet Witch that were at your side in the last place Gideon had been seen, instead of a certain blond and while that did bother you a little, both of them were friendlier than you imagined them to be.

“It’s only worse than before,” Wanda whispers to herself and as much as governments and people had done their best to rebuild Sokovia, but there were things that always fell below the cracks and things that couldn’t be stopped. Corruption was still rampant and the protest that the Maximoffs had once been part of had turned into full-on gangs and other such problems.

You wonder if your own place of birth –the place where the S.H.I.E.L.D agents had found had changed in any sort of way and wherever you would recognize it, much less feel any sort of pain towards the loss. Thinking about this person who called himself your brother sent your heart racing, you wanted to run and hide – the world had enough monsters with him and his group around, and even more so than that.

“Stay close to me,” you hear the Falcon declare as you see his small, mechanical bird take flight to take a look around the area. Wanda moves ahead of the two of you, as you watch her move and covered in the red swirls that come with her powers – they were completely different from you, but they still scared the hell out of people.

You wonder how she could live with it all.

“Stay close to me,” Sam remarks, turning you away from your thoughts as you give him a brief nod.

However, there was always a difference in being prepared in simulations and being actually ready and prepared on the field – you learn that the hard way as bombs start exploding behind you and the decrepit buildings.    

* * *

_Hey, hey. Can you hear me?_

It is what you should be hearing over the gun smoke and fighting, but there is something else getting into your mind. The bombings and ambush had dragged you from Sam and further into the building and though some armed men had tried to take you, it quickly ended when their hands touched your open skin. You watched them burn and that’s when you heard it—

There’s a melody calling you, though you aren’t sure from where you have heard from before as you find yourself walking deeper into the maze, where the stairs meet the upper floor. There is dizziness settling into your bones as you feel yourself start heating up. You grasp your collar line in pain before slowly feeling your knees buckle before you. You’re gasping for breathing when you hear his voice – it’s like gravel to your ears as breathing starts to become harder and harder to do so.

“Father would be so disappointed in your right now,” you look up with blurred vision to see a young man that looks younger than you, with dark-colored hair but eyes that were almost your eye color if he wasn’t looking at you with a glare. Your ears start to go out, but he keeps going on with his monologue.

From it all, you understood that Father was a man that wanted to watch the world burn, Gideon and his thousands of selves from what you could feel and see with the marking similar to yours in his hands. He was just like you, but more imperfect as you smelled the familiar smell of mercury and sulfur burning in the air.

And you hated him, yourself, and all of this  _so so_  much.

He comes closer to you his feet near your knees at you look up at him. You wonder if there is any emotion on your face because there is clearly none on his as he grabs your neck. Stone and crystal making a connection to each other that sends a freezing sensation over the burning like you’re being frozen and cooked all at the same time. You let out a silent scream, as he forces you to look at him.

“The electric sheep are dreaming up for your fate, little doll,” Gideon manages to let out, as he struggles with his own breathing. There is some type of connection going on between the two of you, as he grins. You want to say something, anything to make him stop asking why he is going too far.

But, your vision starts to blacken even more and by the end of it, you don’t notice a familiar item being thrown your way and the shout of your name.

* * *

It takes you three days to wake up. You’re stuff and disjointed for a good hour, as Victor watches over you in the quinjet on the way back to the Avengers base. You had been glowing for a good while after Captain Rogers had saved you since back-up had to be called after you were lost and the armed forces were too much for Sam and Wanda. You didn’t talk for another two as you were trying to process what had happened and the leftover information embedded in your “heart”.

Captain Rogers didn’t visit you in the aftermath and you couldn’t help but feel a little bit disappointed compared to the last time. Maybe, he understood now.

Maybe, that’s why you set out to find him once the dead of night came once more. You end up walking most of the building that you already knew and then some until you find him in one of the gyms, punching away at a poor, defenseless bag. You were starting to suspect there was more to him than he let one, but you weren’t sure whether you wanted to know what was underneath the polite and distant veneer of Captain America.

However, for now, you had come for another thing and you were certain he already knew you were near so you decided to the best with the distance between the two of you.

“I’m sorry if I disappointed you!” you scream out, as Steve stops and looks at you for a good second.

You stand there, awkward for what feels like forever as Steve grabs a towel and makes his way over to you. You wonder if this is what true embarrassment feels like as he seems bothered but also amused by your little declaration.

“There’s nothing—“

“I may be a doll, but I’m not a child, Captain Rogers,” you push forward as he watches you explain with a disgruntled look on your face, “I compromised the mission and almost got kidnapped, that isn’t the best start to my on-field career.”

“Well, that means it can only get better,” Steve remarks with a small smile on his face.

You stare at him, unsure of how to go about the remark before letting out a small but stiff laugh. It seemed so unlike him to make a  joke about such a serious thing, but you are sure that there were sides many didn’t know about when it came to Steve Rogers. You were just lucky for now.

“Is your hand all right?” you ask after calming down, though you won’t admit it had been on your mind for a very long time – you knew what your powers did to people, you had seen it on Lawson’s face every time he came and had seen it when those men had tried to take you.

“Good as can be,” Steve nods, as you can’t help but let out a small of relief. He doesn’t make of motion of whether he notices or not. Instead, he looks at you and then the equipment.

“We haven’t trained in a while,” Steve remarks as you look at the gym requirement and then your gloved hands in question, “There are also some that Shuri has been meaning to test out in regards to your ability.”

You nod at the mention of Shuri and follow the man for a night of training and trying to forget –at least for now– what is waiting for you in regards of your “brother” and whatever else he might be doing. You even fail to notice that your hands manage to touch Steve without your gloves for a few instances here and there, as he lays you on the mat several times.

However, throughout the whole thing, you try to ignore the fact that you can feel your stones and crystal cracking.


	9. are you in?

It starts off with a scream a week since you had gone to Sokovia. It sends a fear of dread down his spine, as Victor ends up rushing from his room to the laboratory. The room is dark but there is a sharp blue-violet glow from where you are usually sleeping in, Lawson is standing on the other side of the room – watching with haunting familiarity from the first time that he had seen this happened.

“Call Captain Rogers,” Lawson declares, as green eyes meet brown. The metal and nylon bedding that had once held you were slowly melting always and you seemed to have no consciousness at all, everything is given away to the burning and stretching of your skin with the metal trying to escape your body.    

You groan and let out a pitiful cry before turning around and that’s when Lawson sees it. The black is stretched out and melted. Your neck is dark and gray with burns around the area as smoke begins to fizzle out.

“Fuck,” Lawson breathes out, as he sees that the center crystal has cracked with all the smaller stones showing their own set of damage. 

He covers his mouth with the front of his nightshirt and looks at Victor, “We have to get out!”

The good doctor seems lost for a second before his close friend pushes him away. The smell of burning skin and smoke starts to slowly fill the room, as the blue glow starts to lessen – you stop screaming as the door closes out on the two of them.

Too bad, none of the Avengers are there at the moment.

* * *

_She’s a ticking time bomb. With the right combo, the whole damn area explodes._

_How do you know all this?_

_She told me this…a very long time ago. The right emotion and chemical connection will set her off. It was imperfect once, but now._

It was what Lawson had told all of them once your current state became known. And while it had been left unsaid, Steve was sure that all this has to do something with him. From the first time, he had really tried to touch her from that freezing hell to lukewarm welcome that sunk into his bones, Steve knew it had to be something of a chemical reaction but it felt more than that. Her metal blood work had been some type of foundation for her body – for her to be living in this twisted sort of way.

Shuri had told them everything (Tony and Bruce were already on their way back)that had happened within the Compound (her lab had been quarantined and pulled away from the main building) during last Avengers mission when it started all over again.

_Bomb. Bomb._

“Multiple detonations of massive-scale going off within the former borders of Sokovia and neighboring countries,” FRIDAY states within the quinjet, as Steve looks at the Natasha and then at Sam.

There’s a ticking time bomb of a gal back home, but more people losing their lives back in a place where the Avengers had already done more damage – but, despite everything, Steve always knew where he needed to be.

He declares his orders once more and that freezing sinking feeling doesn’t leave him – it had always been that fight complex in him.

* * *

You feel him before you see him, though you can barely open your eyes. The smoke coming from your chest is blocking everything else, but something about Gideon –even though you had only met once– is singing to you. It’s almost like when you were with Steve, but instead of soft, warmth – it was screeching and burning your insides out.

You were sure that this is what hell must feel like, but there is nothing you can do or say.

Your throat is filled with cotton and you can barely see Shuri and some of the other Avengers fitting the man as he comes closer to you, but Gideon had changed as well. You weren’t sure how you knew, but it probably happened the moment he had touched you. A spark had happened in that one moment, but while you struggled to keep it from destroying your body, your personality – Gideon had embraced it and he wasn’t the same anymore, though you barely knew.

_Sweetheart, my dear girl…why do you deny me?_

You let out a scream trying to fight back against the voice inside your head, as you are sure Gideon is only a few meters away to you now. It’s funny how once, all those years ago when you were still getting used to human interaction and had gotten so close to someone, but still not quite enough you were willing to let your person and body be destroyed for your father’s agenda – whatever it had been.

But, now that you knew a few more people and were becoming part of something much larger than yourself, well you wanted to see where that could go, to know what type of person you could become.

A lukewarm feeling blossoms in the center of your chest at your barely held together arm grasp at the center of your broken crystal. You let out silent scream as you dig your fingers into your chest before ripping it out completely.

There are so many thoughts running through your head at that moment, but that all land on to very familiar things now.

_Steve._

You think softly and too yourself before getting up, barely head together and burning anything that came in contact. Familiar colored eyes meet yours and before it can say anything you are already heading in its direction – hitting it straight in the forehead before pushing it to the ground.

Fighting, it wasn’t something that you were very familiar with, but damn were you tired of running away.

And the area around you goes up in a bright blue flame.   


	10. love hurts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really like when somethings aren’t said just yet, there is a lot left with this chapter but if you have your own thoughts, ideas, and questions – please consider sharing them, i would love to hear them! i hope you enjoy the last chapter, this series ran longer than i thought it would, but it was a fun ride! <3
> 
> Feedback is always welcomed.

Gideon understood that once he uploaded whatever was remaining of his father, that he as a person would be destroyed, but if he really thought about it – there was so such thing, to begin with. Any version –whether memories or wounds– was replaceable in the long journey to find what his father wanted, he was just a bigger piece to the puzzle with two objectives in mind – find his father and reunite with his sister.

But, to see his sister with people that cared for her, saw her as a human being well that just sparked something in him. They hadn’t known each other for very long, but there was a sense of destruction in Gideon that wanted to make his sister remember that she wasn’t anything of the sort – she was doll meant to be used and thrown away when her time came…when their father was meant to come back and bring home.

Maybe, that’s why Gideon moved with his plans faster than they should have gone. The chemical reaction in his body should have moved so fast, but his anger and impatience made it so the metal and gases in his body expanded further and faster, as his father’s incomplete voice began to swallow up whatever “sense of self” the young man had once.

The youth his sister had met in Sokovia was barely there when she met and headbutted his last remaining body near the Avengers Compound. Her metal limbs and just **entire self** encompassed him and why he can heat her and father fighting over whatever –ideology or future plans, he isn’t quite sure– but the last part, as the metal expands and encases the blue burning completely lets that little part that is left of Gideon to shine brightest of all

“Wanda was right,” she laughs breathlessly,  _“Siblings are so annoying_.”

* * *

There’s a blast that destroys part of the building that is facing it, as Victor tries his hardest not to run over to where he knows you would be. You had rushed out in the last minute, and in your unstable state he really couldn’t stop you. Lawson had tried following you, but the smoke and fumes had been too much for him as well and he needed to help with the evacuation of all the other less-ranked S.H.I.E.L.D agents.

It isn’t until a least an hour later that both Lawson and Shuri come in with two hovering stretchers that a little blue sheen over them. Green eyes widen and Victor moves his body mainly from shock to look at the person laying on one of them – limbs missing here and there with blotches of dirt and metal covering them all over.

All the rocks and crystals in the center of the chest are broken or cracked in some way, except the center. There is a light crack, but it is still burning a bright and clear blue.

“She’s still alive,” Shuri declares, “But completely comatose.”

Victor can’t help but sigh with a little laugh, “Of course, she would be. Do you think your plan could work now?”

Shuri looks at the doctor before nodding, “If we want to keep her alive, we better start the vibranium transfusion.”

“And the other?” Lawson can’t help but add-in, the silence heavy but Gideon’s own heartbeat is just as strong as yours, though he is missing more patches of skin and limbs than you are. There is also heavy scarring over his face and burns on the right side of his body.

“We’ll do what we can,” Shuri declares while moving her fingers over the hologram keyboard, “For the both of them.”

Lawson frowns, but doesn’t say anything as both Victor and Shuri yell and more medical help is brought in.  

* * *

However, it isn’t that easy as skin needs to be regrown and the vibranium needs to be put into balance with the remaining serum and with anything else that happened when that bright light took ahold of everything.

There are so many questions that need answering, but for now – everyone’s whose life you touched in such a short amount of time hopes you make it back in one piece — and like you, most of all.  

You are completely unaware that there is a certain man (after he has come back and everything had been explained to him) that tends to stand near your pod every once and a while, though nobody else says anything about it.

* * *

You wonder if there was a certain stirring in Audrey Hepburn’s character back in Funny Face when she started doing those fashion shoots and opening up herself to the world that had been brought to her by Fred Astaire. You wonder if it was scary at all, or if it was as easy as gliding or flying – if you forgot to be scared because there was someone with her, even though she was still wary of him when it came to love.

It was one of your first thoughts, as you slow woke up from the dead to have both Shuri and Victor looking at you. You glance around for a second, as the princess asks you how you are feeling.

“I’m…” your voice feels dry from lack of uses over the past couple of months, “…not burning anything?”

Shuri grins and nods, “We’ve stabilized your blood with vibranium and some of your brother’s blood.”

They aren’t sure how to add it might have all be thanks to Captain Rogers, so they leave that part out for now, though it helps that something else is on your mind.

“Gideon?” you faze everything out, remembering your brother’s body but your father’s words  _(It all deserves to be burned down for what they did to you_ ) being the last things you heard, so you can help but get up just a little in both fear and worry, “Is he still alive?”

“He’s still asleep,” Victor adds in as he motions to a large white pod not too far away from the three of you – somewhere you had only been a few hours before. At the mention, you just let out of a huff of air before collapsing on the bed once more.

“That’s good,” you let out a light laugh before blacking out completely once more. Shuri and Victor can’t help but look at each other unsure of what just happened, but soon realized that you were alive and well – and above all else, your powers were being controlled better than they thought they would be.

* * *

Slowly but surely you get used to walking in “new skin” as creepy as it may sound because there are patches that have been cleared up and the metal doesn’t sing to you as loud anymore, though it is always there as surely as it seems that Gideon will be sleeping for a while longer – his healing system completely destroyed and as the Avengers found out, he was the last one of those made. All those others have been destroyed or harmed when the bombings started taking place – they had all been the sacrifice for bringing your father’s consciousness back once more.

For now, you were sitting underneath the shade of one of the many Avengers building as the sun slowly started to set. The spring heat still made you a bit dizzy here and there, but you had heard that someone was finally coming back from their extended stay in Wakanda.

“Captain Rogers!” you exclaim with a wave, as he runs down the lace for a moment before stopping. Blue eyes stare at you for a good second before you come up to him – blood starting to warm up just a bit more, but not for its usual reasons.

“Are you alright here?” he can’t help but ask, “Like this?”

You look down at your legging and short sleeve before nodding, “Yes, I’m slowly getting used to the weather.”

Steve smiles before asking if you want to finish the rest of the run with him. You say no, that you still aren’t ready for that sort of thing, though you question if he is willing to watch another movie with you. He agrees right before Lawson ends up calling you for your check-up. You end up heading back inside and wait until your usual hours, as the cold settles in more comfortably than before.

You’re already there, halfway through another Audrey Hepburn movie and munching on popcorn when Steve finally comes in. You welcome him with a pat on the seat and though this is widely different from before, Steve can’t help but wonder what brought about all this change, he ends up -in the silence of it all– asking right before you start the movie once more.  

“It’s crazy,” you breathe out, trying to express what you were feeling in that one moment that you were sure was the end, “I just jumped in the way without a second thought.”

“That was pretty reckless,” Steve remarks as you give him a questioning stare.

“Now, that’s not fair,” you fight back with a grin. The warmth calling you more than it should, as you lean just a bit closer to Steve, “I’ve heard you do it all the time. I’m just following by example.”

Steve laughs and shakes his head as you give him a soft smile, something that he had never seen before – at least coming from you. And as you settle in to watch the rest of the movie, Steve can’t help but notice that between the chill of the air-conditioned room and feeling of your lukewarm body, there is a sense of dizziness fluttering inside his chest – Steve was sure he knew what it might be, but for now things could come as slowly as they would – you still had much to learn and recover from but he knew that he would be there when you need him.

Between fighting and flying against all these emotions, Steve wouldn’t think twice about staying by your side for now.  

A little bit further down the road, you might end up admitting the same thing as well. And if someone finds you both asleep on the couch later on, well Shuri will have some pictures to show later on as well.


	11. oil and water.

“Where the hell are you going?” a young man yells at his younger sister from down the hallways, as he sees her bundled up more than usual. There is a scowl on his face, but a gleeful twinkle in his eyes as the doctor watches from afar – the siblings had gotten closer since since the young man had woken up, though it hadn’t been an easy ride for either of them or the rest of the Avengers.

But, there were times when they weren’t fighting over their father’s ideals that they got along and even fought like siblings that has known each other for years instead of just one.

It was a work in progress for them.

“To New York,” she exclaims with a laugh as the brother just shakes his head and goes back into the lab – complaining about fools who didn’t understand their emotions, like he knew any better.

* * *

New York during the wintertime is completely different than how Steve remembers it from back in the 40’s, though there wasn’t such a thing for him back then. It was mostly trying not to get killed from whatever cold or illness he has caught, staying in bed with plenty of food and fluids, while Bucky came to visit hi, when he could.

The war erased all thought as it was barely held together camps and tents under freezing temperatures that were quite the downgrade from when he was performing with the girls, but as well as he was in the front lines and fighting for his country until the plane crashed in that never-ending cold.

He wasn’t used to such and idealistic Christmastime, but this in his own way wasn’t for him either, as blue eyes stare up at the pine tree at the center of the Rockefeller Plaza. His bones weary, but calmer down than when he was trying to try to actually ice skate around the rink.

“Steve?” a voice question behind him, as he turns to smile at you with two cups at hands, “Are marshmallows okay?”  

“That’s fine,” he answers back as you move to his side. A comfortable warmth settles in from his side, but also from his drink as well. It had taken a long time, but with both Shuri, Victor, and training with Steve you had been able to finally control your powers alongside with have the proper equipment to hide your scars and have suitable clothing that didn’t burn right off. This little trip had been a celebration for that, though he had taken you to Brooklyn first and foremost.

And to see you smiling at everything you saw and interacted with, well that was better than any Christmas present that he had received in a every long time, though he was just starting to realize all this. It had actually taken sometime and several talks with the other Avengers for him to realize that.

“So, how are you liking New York?” he states as calmly as he can.

“It’s…” you smile behind your own cup, or at least try to before taking a sip out of your own cup, “…nice. I can see why you like it so much.”

Steve grins, as you go back to looking at the people moving about, though you can tell that the snow is melting around you a bit faster than usual. Nevertheless, you keep smiling, a bit more comfortable with yourself than before. You were certainly a little bit more bolder than him as you move a close as you can while wearing two sets of clothing. Blue eyes turn to look at you as you grin at him.

“I wouldn’t mind coming back, if you’re my guide,” you state with a laugh as Steve can’t help but follow suit at just how much you had changed and gotten closer. However, that didn’t mean there wasn’t a long way to go as well.

“Sure, whateva you want,”  he answers back and for once the warmth and coldness of the season don’t seem to bother each of you as much.

It would still be a long trek with everything that came with life and being an Avenger, but like always – neither of you would think twice about it, though in a more positive connotation.  


End file.
